Face of Grace

Hello Beautiful people! So the other day I watched a spoken word by Jefferson Bethke entitled "Why I hate Religion but love Jesus." -I suggest you go watch it because it is amazing!- Okay so today I don't have much time to post but I do want to share with you a spoken word I wrote recently. I will share a follow up afterwards to explain more about it! :)

FACE OF GRACE
Grace is hard to define. It is like a never ending line, or a circle
that does not recognize man made hurdles.
Grace is love. Or favor undeserved.
I think of it as a different kind of love
A love that's weak, a love that's poor
A love that's meek and unsure
A love that's deaf, a love that's dumb, a love that's lame
A love that's considered insane
A love that loves imperfections and considers all the same.
Grace doesn't like to be seen or mentioned
because grace doesn't look for attention.
What grace DOES look for is imperfection,
so it overlooks the nails and extensions and digs deeper to the heart, soul, spirit dimension.
Grace doesn't see the sin, it sees the sinner,
it doesn't look at anyone as a loser or a winner.
Grace loves you as you are, beggar or farmer, writer or doctor, singer or lawyer, preacher or EVEN stripper.
Grace finds a way to love you when others cant.
When all you can see with your own eyes is worthless, Grace reminds you the truth is you are priceless!
Imagine you were sitting by yourself in a puddle of crap,
while others passed by with their noses held high, Grace jumps in, sits beside you and asks, "What's up?"
Grace loves you with the mess you're in, and when you are ready to get out Grace pulls you up and wipes you clean; with the residue of that flipping poo dripping from its shoes!
That's why I call grace undeserved
Because a love like that? It is simply unheard.
While we judge and criticize, Grace's heart grows to an xxxxxx Large size.
You see grace has been present through out history, the silent hero in every story.
Grace has never understood some rules made by man because Grace hates legalism.
It sees ordered religion as a form of Plagiarism, because it steals a gift that was meant to be free and gives it a price.
It leaves you blind, unable to see how,
Mercy said no! I'm not going to let you go, I'm not going to let you slip away. You don't have to be afraid.
Mercy said no! Sin will never take control. Life and death stood face to face. Darkness tried to steal your heart away. Thank you Jesus, because your mercy said
No!
Mercy, so similar to grace that they are practically interlaced;
Both vastly misunderstood, but any definition I could give would be, at best, crude.
But why most of us don't understand the concept of grace,
is because we don't realize it has a face.
The face of grace said, "I come not for the healthy but for the weak."
The face of grace loved a son who rejected His name, went into the world seeking fame, and returning home he came, dejected and ashamed. Of pigs he smelled, yet that didn't stop the face of grace from running to his son who in his arms he held, without hesitation.
The face of grace saw annoying little kids and said, "Heaven is for such as these."
The face of grace loved prostitutes! I mean prostitutes?!
If the face of Grace lived today what do you think he would say about gays?
The face of grace called a 'murderer' and 'adulterer' a "man after his own heart"
The face of grace created all forms of art, including creating you from the dust of the ground.
So the face of grace understands that beauty can in dirt be found.
The face of grace loves deeper than skin.
The face of grace took on a multitude of sin.
Though what leaves me most amazed is a few words the face of grace said.
"I gave myself up for you to live forever, not because of anything you have done, or anything you could ever do,
but simply because I love you..."


So that was it. What did you think?? It's a very honest piece, and something Jesus knows I have been encountering and learning about a lot recently. I will explain more in my next blog post, but for now comment (I absolutely love getting your feedback) share, follow, and stay blessed! Peace out Ya'al :D
P.s Sorry no pictures this time lol

SHE DIDN'T FINISH HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE GOD TOLD HER NOT TO...

Hellooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Ohh how I have missed you, yes you, reader of my blog post. I know I haven't posted in forever, but there is an explanation to that hey.... We moved houses to a place called Kiambu county where apparently no wifi access is available. I know, the struggle is real my friend :P
Thankfully today I am at my wonderful friend, Kimberly's house and I am stealing her wifi.
Anyway as you may or may not know, the last time I posted I was in the beautiful country of Thailand doing my Discipleship Training outreach. It has been nearly two months but here's a bit of catch up since then.
 I traveled to the Philippines after Thailand and it was an absolutely amazing experience! Then I went back to South Africa. I officially graduated my DTS on the fourth of September, and I left South Africa on the fourteenth, which also happened to be the day of my birth and the day I became an adult lol!
So I have officially been home for almost a month and yeah, looking towards my future. Whenever someone asks me about university or what's next my standard reply has become, "I am praying about it" which is actually code for, "I have no freaking idea!" Haha, well yeah I make plans but if there is one thing I have learned it is that life never seems to go the way you planned it so sometimes its just easier to take it one step at a time. :)

Enough about me, today's post is about a way more interesting person so if you have any more questions about me, hit me up on my inbox!
SO I really wanted to post this story, even before I left for outreach because I thought it was the coolest but I wasn't able to. Anyway I would like to share with you the story of a really beautiful, young South African English friend of mine, -she is like a year older than me- named Rebekah.
Rebekah grew up in a missionary family learning from her parents about living a life of faith. When she was entering her final year of high school her parents felt God's leading to do a DTS (the missionary school that I was doing) in Hawaii.
Kona, Hawaii is home to the first and largest Youth With A Mission Base. Basically it is the center of all the Ywams around the world.
Rebekah's parents had been hearing God calling them to do this school for quite a while and kind of postponing it but they felt that in more than a few ways God was telling them to go that year! So they were all psyched, and Rebecca was like, "Yeah cool, mum and dad and Rachel *her big sis* are going to Hawaii, that is cool. I will just stay here and finish school then we see what happens from there." Because that is the normal thing to do, you finish high school Right??
Wrong!!

One of the first things her mum said to her while they were making plans was, "Rebekah listen to God and be sure that He wants you to stay."
Rolling her eyes, in her head she was probably like, "Duh, I mean why wouldn't God want me to finish my education."
Later on during one of their family Bible studies her mum was praying and she saw a picture of Rebecca facing an ocean with her arms raised high in a V shape, and she shared what she saw with her daughter. Then her dad prayed, "Lord please show Rebekah clearly what you want for her, if it's through a dream, a person, or even a magazine!"
A few days later Rebekah picked up the mail and was going through all the unimportant stuff when she saw a magazine which showed on the cover a picture of a girl facing the ocean with her arms raised in a V shape and the headlines. "COME TO HAWAII!" She could not stop staring at it and thinking about the prayers of both her parents. She prayed more and more and felt God actually give her peace about leaving before she did her Metrics *South African final high school exams* and going with her parents to Hawaii.
Of course lots of people thought she was making a mistake, her teachers for one, and many people probably even told her parents this was not the right thing to do but she knew what God was telling her to do. So they left to Hawaii.
This is the part where she is supposed to have some great encounter and live happily ever after right?
Wrong!!
When Rebekah got to Hawaii she was told she was too young to be in the missionary school with her parents and older sister, and there were no people her age to hang around with because everyone was in school and she didn't know anyone. She basically spent a lot of time taking walks by the beach and had quite a few break downs, asking God why He would take her from her last year of school to doing practically nothing. What was the purpose??
(I love the way she told me this) God answered my question by saying, "Rebekah I brought you here to just be with me. I want you to purely focus on me."
That completely changed the rest of her time in Hawaii and she never regretted any moment she got to simply spend in His presence.
After her trip to Hawaii she got the chance to do her DTS back in South Africa when she turned 18 and then got an amazing opportunity to do a christian School of Dance in England again under YWAM. Right now she is doing the School of Biblical Studies in Capetown, where I did my DTS, and she told me she is not in a hurry to go finish her exams, for her it is all in God's timing and she is loving every minute of it. :)

I absolutely love Rebekah's story because it is so against sosciety's, 'you cannot succeed in life without education.' I mean education is good, but again like all things there is more to life than that and everyone has their own unique destiny that they were created to fulfill.
So any questions? Feel free to ask, read, follow, share, and whatever lol
Bye!!!! :D

P.s I finally found Rebekah's picture, here she is super pretty and all...

Beauty in Ashes; Spoken Word

Hello lovely creation! Two posts in one week! Don't I deserve a round of applause or something?? lol so I just want to say thank you so much to all the people who were super concerned about me after my last post. Just to let you know I am doing better and I have an inhaler with me. So don't worry :)
Now why am I doing this post so soon after the other one? Well as you have probably seen in the title this post is a spoken word piece. I haven't updated one in a while, actually I haven't even written one in a while, but from being in this city I feel like God placed this one upon my heart. One of the things I learned in DTS is that different places have different spiritual atmospheres and as soon as my team stepped into Pattaya (the name of the city where we are) I think we all felt the havyness on the city, and it affected us but as we've been here longer I have found a kind of beauty even in the brokenness which leads to the spoken word without further a due :P
(it's kind of long so hope u don't get bored)

Beauty in Ashes

We are broken,
In this world we have called home yet so foreign
Man is broken
Filled with pain, anger, hurt, not to mention broken hearts
It's easy to give in, give up when we fall down
Never again stand up
To feel useless and weak
when we hear world politicians speak about how world peace is all they seek
Truth be told that is never going to happen
because we are human, we are broken
I have seen it with my own eyes,
and the thought makes me want to cry
The world's brokenness, the sadness, darkness, and heartlessness
it's all one massive mess!
I see it in the small things
when that little girl sings, and nobody listens
Her heart breaks a little though you may not see through
A small part of her feels like she is not worth listening to.
Or those times when we let our pride get in the way of relationship. Thinking about what is best for me, Our  excuse is "nobody really understands me"
Because honestly I don't want to see, what you have to say
Your point may be valid, but just not today...
Then there is her. She understands the idea of love but can't seem to grasp the concept
Because in some passed moment she accepted that she wasn't worth it
So she believed the lie that all you need is a guy, to know where your beauty lies
and when none showed up she questioned her size, her nose and even the shape of her eyes. Leaving no tiny detail out she criticized...
Then there was him. He had no father figure.
He never learned what it meant to be a man yet he hated being called a boy.
From all the porn no one stopped him from watching he learned that a female is just a toy.
Nothing more, nothing less
Use her until it breaks then leave without making a mess
That is the world's brokenness
I see it in the big things. stories that tug at your heart strings
Like the pain and loss that death brings
That never ending feeling that someone is missing. Hoping and praying that time passing would cause the aching to start fading and bring healing until you can finally say, "oh death where is your sting?"
I see it in the girl walking on her street near the bar.
All grown up. Tall and beautiful. A star.
To the gentlemen around her.
In this market she has learned to use her assets,
Swaying her hips and pouting her red colored lips,
Batting her eyelashes, until his attention she catches
Pushing her dignity aside, she relies only on her pride
Pulling her close he whispers to her, "you are a beautiful little star."
She lets him take her home to do with her what he may. His fee was a very small price to pay.
But as he invades her, she tells herself "it's okay" and lets herself imagine that maybe one day this will be the man that will take her away
She isn't thinking, or conveniently forgetting the gold band. On his left hand, seems a lot like a wedding ring
This is the world's brokenness.
He is also a victim. Though it's easy to judge him. To call him disgusting,
For using a girl who is young enough to be his daughter, for his pleasure
But he has been taught to use her as a toy, solely for him to enjoy.
This is the world's brokenness.
In so many ways we see it's face
Like the guy who thinks he needs one more high to be alright,
Or one more beer to get rid of the constant fear.
The girl who just wants to end it all,
Because she is tired of trying to get back up after every fall
I once heard that people are meant to be loved and things are meant to be used, but the problem with the world is that people are used and things are loved.
That is the world's brokenness.
No wonder we get stressed, the world can be such a mess!
But that's not it. This is not the ending.
Because somewhere in it's midst there is a light unending.
Over 2,000 years ago what was broken started mending.
Three words uttered
"IT IS FINISHED."
Irony because it was also just the beginning.
The whole universe could hear darkness groaning, because light had started winning.
Like every super hero story we've watched, heard or read.
Good verses evil, and good is always ahead.
After all has been done, after all has been said, that is the hope each human heart holds onto until the very end.
That hope is the light rising from the darkness.
It is the beauty found in the ashes...

I know this was super long, so if you have read until the end. Thanks. There is allot that went into this spoken word and majorly to do with what I have seen in this city. The brokenness, the hurt, and the beauty in it all. God has broken my heart for this people in a way I can't even put into words but I tried my best. Hopefully in my next post I will explain more about that but for now I have to get back to ministry.

Love y'all and bye for now.

Near DEATH, MOST embarrassing moment, and HOMESicK in one WEEK :)

Hello fellow people :) how are you? Or in my new language 'Sawadica?' :P So I have officially been in Thailand for two weeks! It honestly feels like I have been here two months, it's crazy like being honest if you are ever told outreach is hard, BELIEVE IT! Because we tend to romanticize being a missionary like "ohh I am going to save the whole world, because they need to know about Jesus and I am going to change their lives."
It is amazing to have that vision and fire, but also remember there is still room for personal growth. So I am taking a break from my themes and sharing with you a bit about my long short experience here so far. (plus I am supposed to be the team journalist so 2 birds, one stone) You ready for this?

OKkkkaayy! So last week we started our official ministry in Thailand, we were in a place called Fang and we started off with children's ministry which honestly did not sound like the most exciting thing in the world since we had just done a week of children's ministry in South Africa, but we put on our stick-with-it faces and did the ministry, teaching the children english and stuff. By the second day I realized that the humid weather was affecting my chest and it was getting uneasy to breathe so I rested that day, then that night I couldn't breathe at all. My team had to call an ambulance to get me to hospital
I had an asthma attack. Yup my stupid chest almost gave up on me but I got to the hospital on time and I couldn't move and amazingly the doctors hardly spoke any English which sucked but long story short, I was put under an oxygen mask and an I.V thingy majigy was put into me and after a lot of confusion, the doctors thinking I was having a heart attack and stuff they realized I also had a panic attack, in doctor terms hyperventilation- which by the way- you only see in movies lol now that was not even the end of it.
So while I was in that weird daze I heard my friend Yu-jin telling me about the cute doctors which did not help me because I was thinking about how If I cared about anything besides not dying I probably looked horrible! Plus later while I was lying in the hospital bed I really needed to pee like three different times and since I couldn't move they had to give me what in docter terms is called a 'bedpan' in layman terms its basically a pee bowl, and I will save you the gross details because it makes me cringe just thinking about it but it was not pretty! lol plus quite embarrasing was I was the only black person in the room as well so I wondered if the cute docters thought black people are uncivilized, then I realized that was a stupid train of thought ;)
So the crazy thing is the next day I got another hyperventilation attack at night and the same process was repeated and I had to go back to the hospital... One it was the most pain I had experienced in a super long while! Two if your my facebook friend you saw my status about homesickness, well I think that was the point passed the honey-moon phase where all you want to do is suck your thumb and say "I miss my mummy" but ofcourse because even though you are the youngest on the team everyone else is an adult you have to suck it up and say "Lord Jesus I you better see what am doing and have mansion planned out for me somewhere in my future or else boo me and you are through :P" Jk, you know I love you..
Soo Thursday this week we did another 13 hour bus trip from the north of Thailand to the capital Bangkok, then another 2 and a half hours to a coastal city called Pataya which is where we are now... We started ministry today, working with prostitution and teaching the ladies english which was actually super fun... Plus umm this is random but we have seen a lot of lady-boys (men who become women, very common in Thailand) and to be honest they are beautiful! Literally they make an effort to look gorgeous so you may not even tell the difference, and it would be very easy to judge but being a missionary is about looking for beauty in the ashes, and seeing it even in the brokenness of people!

So right now because we don't have wifi I am at an internet cafe which I have payed for 1hour worth of use so incase my time runs out I will end here, but am hopefully going to resume with the topics thingy majigy next blog post... Hope you enjoyed and I love you <3  

Stereotyping: 46 countrieS in 10 years!

Sooo hello my fellow people! How is your beautiful self? (technically that sentence isn't englishly correct :P NEITHER IS THAT ONE. Anyway guess who is finally in Thailand????? Like seriously I bet you can't guess? lol
So it has been a struggle and a half to get here. I honestly was not 100% sure I was going to be in Thailand until I was on the plane, and honestly Jesus came through in ways I don't even understand but that is a story for another day. Today the story is lightly different. I have honestly been trying to get another angle on stereotyping since before I left South Africa. I was going to write about a girl who heard God tell her to go into missions with her parents on her last year of high school, before exams but I was not able to talk to her in detail in time so hopefully when I go back to s.a I will get the chance to.
So back to my trip, we arrived here Friday at 4 a.m when it was still dark out after almost 3 days of travel by air and by bus. Believe me you I did not know what pregnant feet were until yesterday. We, as a team, were all super tired and had just arrived into the Thailand humid heat that makes your clothes stick to your skin. *to be honest it's better than the cold I left behind in Capetown.* But the point is we finally arrived here (Chiang mai) and found out the house where we are staying is Heaven! :P hahaha okay maybe a little piece of Heaven but after the traveling and pregnant feet it honestly does feel like paradise. and we were all like

It's a huge bungalow with fans and spacious rooms and a spacious kitchen and dinning room. Sadly we are only here until tomorrow but as an introduction to Thailand it is a great way to start :)
Now the man behind it is what this post is about. Basically this place is a hospitality house and Len, the man who owns it just wanted it to be a place of rest and receiving of missionaries to send out into the rest of Thailand. He lives here with his son, Jonah, and a beautiful couple from South Africa who heard God's call to come to Thailand as missionaries. In all their lives you can see their hearts to serve us and hearts that shines Jesus' love so bright it burns. So the last two days have been amazing *but I still have pregnant feet, does anyone know how to get rid of that?*
Anyway back to the point one of the benefits of these two days is that we got to hear their stories and it turns out Len and his son have a kind of extra ordinary one. You see they are originally from South Africa  and even though have now been running this hospitality ministry in Thailand for about a year, they originally left South Africa about eleven years ago!
So what- you may be asking- have they been doing for the ten year gap period in between? They my dear, have been on a pure backpacking evangelizing and tract giving ministry where they traveled to 46 different countries all over Africa, Middle East, Asia, Europe, and the States in 10 years! Now this is how it started according to Len...
Ten years ago as a not too old but not too young man either, Len finally listened and obeyed God's call for him to be out on the mission field after a long time of being stubborn with God. It wasn't easy because God told him to give everything and I mean EVERYTHING away and live out his faith. Jonah, his son, also heard God speak to him, and in his own words with a silly grin he told me, "but I wasn't as stubborn as my dad was ."

 

*they look much more good looking than this* lol.
So they set out, leaving behind family, friends, and possessions behind with only 300 dollars in their bank accounts, no supporters, the backpacks on their backs, and God's call on their lives to trust Him.
-now let's pause for a second, as you read this your probably thinking about how it sounds like a super another sweet story with another lesson about how God will always come through, ending with they lived happily ever after- but *play* this is more than that!
Can you picture yourself and your mum, or your dad, or your child, getting rid of all the plans you had for yourself, to be a doctor, a lawyer, a business person, a doctorate, having quite a few degrees to your name, the security in being able to provide and the simple comforts of life as well... Like seriously? Can you picture yourself giving all that up?!
First of all the scrutiny you will get! Don't you think in this day and age everyone who truly loves you will think your crazy! Like I know if I went to my friends and family and told them on a very serious note that I am leaving next week for a few years, not knowing what or how God will provide they will look at me like I am plain retarded and tell me to wait at least a few years until I get my life together.
But they went for it, and they told me they have a million and one stories of how God proved He was God countless times.
The fact is it was NOT easy, but honestly you should see the light in Len's eyes as he talks about visiting Israel and feeling God, or giving out gospel tracts and seeing people break down because it was God ordained, and seeing Jesus come through in miraculous ways! His words were, "I get so much satisfaction out of it." Basically even though it's not easy, if it's of God it's worth it. And the truth is...

I am not going to be all preachy and stuff but A verse I have come to love is 1 Corinthians 2:6-7. It basically says that our generation is so stupid that we think God's wisdom is stupid. In a way that is also the cool thing about God's Kingdom. It's crazy, upside down, backwards, and again is stereotypical plain stupid to the world but it is a heck of an adventure and if you can handle being stereotyped as a Jesus freak it's most probably worth it. :)

Now I love you all but am sleepy and we are traveling tomorrow again to our outreach location by bus! *oh no stupid pregnant feet* again any advice on that please let me know :P GOODNIGHT :)

Stereotyping, married at 18 :P

Yellow!!!! (that is the language colors for Hello!!!) :P

Sooo I love your responses to the last post, thanks for reading please continue to share, like, and follow or not? But it would be nice if you could. Do I sound like am nagging? I really am not nagging just saying Like a sister's time consuming post once in a while huh?! Lol

Okay so I have the most interesting story to tell you guys about the whole stereotyping thing we talked about last time. As you know I am right now doing a ministry school in Capetown, South Africa in  "Knowing God to make Him known." 

So yesterday I officially finished the first half of the school which is lecture phase (basically you sit in a class and listen to lectures ;) and it has been amazing and a journey but that's a story for another day. On Saturday we will officially be starting the next par of the school which is outreach, where the students will go out into different nations to use what we have learned in the lecture phase to minister on the outreach. One of the awesome things is that we got to hear from the experiences of the students who just finished and came back from their outreaches, and the testimonies we heard were mouth dropping (whoops I mean jaw dropping lol) crazy! Healings and salvations which I am hoping to see on our outreach as well, but again that's a story for another day. What I wanted to share is actually about a couple I met in that team. 

They are both from Norway, the girl is nineteen, the guy is twenty two, and they are married!!! They are actually about to celebrate their one year anniversary! As in when I first heard that I was like whoooaaaa! How cool is that???? I love it because it is so against society's worldview. Like let's be honest here, a 19-actually 18 year old! GETTING MARRIED?? The first thought would be was she pregnant?? Or other stupid conclusons that we come up with and judge people for. Like they are not even mature enough to know if this is the right person or not. Or Christians shouldn't do that * Hello! they came to frikin outreach in Africa from Norway to do ministry because they have such a passion for God!*

Again I know that could probably be more accepted in the culture, but still I absolutely loved them because they are such a sweet couple when I asked Tonje (her name, pronounced Tanya I think) what she thought about marriage she was like, "It's the best thing ever, we are totally enjoying it" then her husband came in and said, "we recommend marriage to everyone." Before he looked at his beautiful wife and gave her a cheeky smile. 

Now I know you may say they are in their first year and in the honeymoon phase which will be over quicker because they got married younger, but think about it. They just dedicated the last six months to having God as their foundation, and that is why I think they are going to last! Because if He is your beginning, middle, and end it always, always, hear me ALWAYS lasts! *I just shared with you the secret to any relationship with yourself, family, friends, and love of your life* :P 

So what was my point again? 

Oh yeah.... Normal is overrated!

Ordinary is boring!

Life sucks when you have to live it by everyone else's do's and dont's 

Do not judge a cover by its book *you know what I mean*

And something Tonje told me was, "God's plan for everyone's story is different."

<3      (I will check with the couple if I can post a pic of them for you guys) 

Steriotyping and South Africa :P

Hello my fellow human being, or in layman language Whazzzuh dude and/or dudette?!
So I know this has been a long time coming and I deserve to be hanged for doing the unthinkable, Being an UNFAITHFUL BLOGGER... From the deepest part of my innermost soul I am truly and utterly sorry. So this post will just be a catch up kind of thing from the last one about my visa. Soo by now maybe you have guessed I am in South Africa woohooo! haha yea for the last like two months, but anyway... It is beautiful here! I am in a small suburb called Muizenberg right on the coast of Cape Town. I am about a five minute walk away from the beach and like ten minutes away from Muizenberg Mountain which is like a one to two hour hike and a smaller version of the famous Table Mountain, and I have climbed it like two and a half times since I have been here (juss saying)  :P
Besides the beauty of the city, before I came I was -i am going to be honest- warned about the people here. I was told, by more than a few people that there are still a few effects from apartheid in South Africa, and that even the black South Africans and colored are kind of -in an understated statement- mean to other black foreigners. So I am about to tell you what I have personally learned from being here. So 1. the course that I am doing right now has people from 14 different nations!! Soo I have gotten the chance to test the theories about not only South Africa but the States, Brazil, Nigeria, The U.K, Australia, Romania, Tanzania, Germany, Switzerland, and others. Let's do a little exercise. In those few countries that I have mentioned can you think of at least one cliche or stereotype that you have come to associate with those people?
Think about it for a moment...

....
Thought about it?
Good, now this is my theory. I think that we are held so much by our own cultural world views that sometimes we are blind to the beauty in other cultures as well. I mean, speaking from personal experience I was in American system and the way they taught us, it honestly felt like America thought they are the greatest gift God gave to Mankind, plus its totally overrated. But now one of the other students here is from the States and he is super sweet and humble its not even funny. Then there is the Nigerian OGA OOOOH! :p From Afro cinema we kind of get this impression that they are the most dramatic people on earth! Would you believe me if I told you now that my Nigerian friend here is one of the most reserved, inner beauty, sweetest people I know. Hihihi I won't even go to my Tanzanian friend who is Indian as well, or the Korean-American, but my point is I came not knowing what to expect with my own culture's views and that has changed by my getting to know people for being just that, people... Another thing is a lot of times we judge a whole nation or people by the one or two people we have met from that country, now it may not be  on a large scale but something small like I meet a guy from Ghana who is very forthright and often comes across as rude. So I go back home with the mentality that all Ghanaians are rude. You see what I mean?
I even met someone from here who has been to Kenya and she stayed with a Kenyan couple where the wife was basically in charge of the home and did all the cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, and stuff like that, and the husband seemed to be just relaxed and waiting for his wife to do stuff for him. So the impression that this lady got was that in Kenya it's like women do all the work and are treated like the servants. Now, of course this shocked me because, HELLO this is my country and in all my years and with all the families and people I know I haven't seen a situation like that as common.  

So I am not saying that our cultural worldviews do not affect who we become, in fact we all have things in common with other people from our own culture but what I am saying is that don't judge a whole people because of one person you know from there. Get to know each person for who they are as a person and cultivate a relationship/friendship with them. Mandela once said something like, the only way to get out of stereotyping is travel. -I think this means something like in order to sop stereotyping get to know the people you are stereotyping. :)
*now i feel like being hippie and saying* PEACE AND LOVE YA'AL, PEACE AND LOVE :)
  
P.s I know this post was really short but if you feel like asking me any questions, or think this was super boring, or if u want me to talk about something in particular, or just feel like saying watsup Lemme know :) love ya'al!!

END

Real-ationships: Visa issues (has nothing to do with relationships but the struggle is real)

Hey all!!!! So 1. this post is more than two weeks late.
2. You have every right to be irked (big word lol) by that.
3. I have a very reasonable explanation.
4. I am going to South Africa in two days and I've been stressed out of my mind about several different things for the last 2 or 3 weeks.
5. You probably don't really care lol.
Any-who so I had promised you one more Real-ationships post before we go on to another topic and I was going to get all deep and holy-joe on you and talk about God and stuff :P but this post is going to be more of a story, a mini-miracle if you will, so read on...
Soo when I applied for my visa to South Africa about three weeks ago they told me it would take about ten days and I should go back for it on the 24th or any time after which was last Monday. So on Tuesday, bright and early in the morning I go into the embassy feeling all psyched about getting my visa and everything and I walk to the counter where the lady is taking customers. I ask her about my visa, and she's like "Oh am sory I didn't tell you before the visa actually takes between 4 and 6 weeks to be processed but we'll try our best to get it done for you by Friday, so come check then."
So am like Oh, okay and walk out of the embassy and I actually wasn't freaking out because she said they would try their best to get it done for me by Friday so maybe my visa would receive kinda special treatment.
Friday comes, and again I go early in the morning so as not to be late and I meet another nicer lady who is like, "sweetie, imagine the visa is, uhh, not yet ready, so I would like you to come back on Tuesday I think it will be ready by then."
In my head am like, "okay seriously, *sigh* can't do anything about it so just relax and come back on Tuesday."
I enjoyed my weekend and everything, telling everyone "oh yea am still leaving next Saturday, -mind you I don't have a visa yet.-"
On Tuesday morning I went back to the embassy, after telling like all my friends, "ya'al pray for this visa please!!! I was feeling like, 'alright today is the day.'
So I go into the embassy and am hoping I will meet the nice lady who called me sweetie but she is with another customer so I end up going to the other lady who looks like she is kind of in a bad mood. She takes one look at me asks, "the study permit?" I nod my head and she's like, "It's not yet ready, we will call you when it is." Then she brushes me off and moves on to the next customer leaving me standing there looking confused like wth just happened??
No come back on Thursday, or it's almost ready, just we will call you when it's ready, I felt like screaming WHAAT??
So now I came home all confused and we decided with my mum we would go back on Thursday (which as today) if they hadn't called by then, just to let them know, ehh by the way, kunavenye I need that visa because my flight is in two days.
So for hte final time we went today to the embassy early in the morning and I was honestly FREAKING OUT! Yani paka I had a dream about the visa last night *you know it's serious when your subconscious gets involved lol* When we reached the gate even the askaris remembered me and were like hujasidiwa bado mrembo? ume kuja mara mingi. (You've not been helped yet? You've come so many times) then before I could reply, "usi jali, leo uta sidiwa" (don't worry to day you will be helped)
So I went in with my mum and we went up to the lady at the counter and before she could talk and tell me to go back home I said, "I know you told me to wait to be called, but I am getting kind of worried because I am leaving on Saturday which is in two days." then ofcourse she was all like "but have you been called?" I replied "no, but..."
"if you haven't been called then your visa is not yet ready.  The minimum amount of time it takes is four weeks and the maximum amount of time is eight weeks. so it can take any amount of time between then."
My mum was like, "so is there anything we can do? at all? Because her ticket is already booked for saturday."
She shook her head and answered, "why did you book a ticket without having the visa? What if it was denied?" -btw fyi one of the visa application requirements is that you must have proof of a booked flight, so what was she talking about?-
Anyway before we could argue with her more, she waved us off to go and sit down while she dealt with the next customer.
So while I was there sitting down the conversation I was having in my head was, "wow, thank you so much Lord for getting me this far and then leaving me hanging because of one stupid piece of paper! Like seriously? yani after telling everyone am leaving on Saturday, then they find me at home on Monday. Jesus really?" then I got all repentant and was like, "okay Lord you know what just do this for me, it will be a miracle but there's still time, come on now, aren't you the one who wanted me to go to S.A in the first place?? Please Jesus. Reward my faith and you'll get the glory.
Soo a different lady calls me and my mum to the counter and is all like, "umm we have looked through your visa application and it was finished being processed this morning but you did not leave a phone number so we had no way of contacting you."
The only thing that was registering, my visa had finished being processed? my visa had finished being processed! I was on #cloudnine
In my head I was like, "hyar Jesus? you actually listened to me? like for reals?? #screammmmmmm hahahaha I know I am such a child but still I was so excited I left with tears in my eyes! So long story shor--a little bit less long :P I HAVE MY VISA! I know it may not be not such a big miracle to you who is reading this, because it's like so what? she got her visa, how does that affect my life in any way. Buuut am doing this because I told God He would get the glory if He did it for me, so fulfilling my end of the bargain. It was honestly my small miracle....

So p.s if you haven't already gathered from this post I am leaving for South Africa on Saturday for a totally new experience, adventure, and learning process... New miracle prayer, that my parents somehow get enough cash to get me a laptop in one day, (tomorrow) because I really need to skype, and blog while am there tihi love ya'al!
P.p.s sory there aren't any pics or videos in this one
xoxox

Real-ationships: Group post *Twilight inspired*

 Heyyyyyyyyyy so a week late but I have been crazy crazy busy! Sooooo last night me and my friend had a twilight night *Definition of a 'Twilight night'* -spending the whole night watching all the twilight movies and crying, laughing, being irritated, and having the girly *aawwwwwww* moments. Because we both have never watched it before lol 

So we had a lot of comments about the relationship between Edward and Bella. Personally, I think it was really sweet *dont judge me, twilight haters* but I also think in reality their total dependency on one another would be maybe kinda, umm, just a little bit, uhh what to say... unhealthy? :P

They literally had no reason for living besides each other. I mean in real life they would have to *with all courtesy* Get a life! But again that doesn't work in their world because they are technically dead hehe. Besides that I liked the whole idea of Edward not taking Bella's virtue untill they were married, in a world where guys are all about how much they can 'tap' a chick or what they can get from her physically or whatever I think that was really cool to portray. :) 

Anyway so right now I am with a group of my girlfriends and they are gonna help me write this post. We are gonna do a post about... actually I don't really know what this post is about because are going to write their own thoughts down, hehe but let us see where this goes... 

REAL-ATIONSHIPS

Tu- In relationships we always try to get a person that we have dreamed of. AKA our Edward Cullen but are we being their Bella Swan????  Because i have been waiting for my forever, but i dont know if i am his yet. Because Bella waited an entire movie for Edward (new moon) and i cant wait for more than five hours for a reply to a text. And the fact that i am comparing myself to a vampire love story....is sad. I want reality, but cant afford it! Because fantasy is so close to my heart.....I have loved before, I have been hurt before, and i have died before...so my aim is to become a newborn, an immortal to love! 

(She is referring to the twilight characters for those who don't get it and haven't watched it, do you live under a rock? *this coming from someone-me- who watched it for the first time yesterday lol*)

Da- I cant count the  number of times I've daydreamed about my prince charming and how I've talked about boys with my friends but one day on my way to school i just thought deep down I've kinda been lying to myself. Cause honestly if my prince charming came riding on a white horse and asked me to be his one and only i'd probably stand awestruck for like a whole 30 min and then RUN!!!!!

  cause honestly i'm terrified... the thought of trusting someone with my heart terrifies me... in the back of my mind I'm thinking " But what if he breaks my heart? what if all this love I'm giving is all for nothing..." Maybe its cause of my past? i mean I've been disappointed a lot by my dad and i try my best not to use that as a crutch cause a lot of kids have gone through that.. but its hard to patch a wound that the only male figure in your life caused... so after this realization i had to find a way of dealing with this feeling and I came to the conclusion that i cant erase the way I feel based on my abilities... so I have chosen to trust God... He designed my "prince charming" just for me.. and I'm sure He knew I'd feel this way even before I would.     

  

Ku- My take on relationships may differ from other people, for me as long as you both love each other and trust each other and God is the foundation of it all you are good to go. One thing that irritates me that many people need to understand, is that a relationship is between two people and not the whole world. If they are happy you should be happy for them. 

Ta- I've been in a couple relationships in the past and learnt a few things from them, for example it's not advisable to rush into a relationship until you've gotten to really know the person.Once you've acquired a friendship with the person, you can then think about being in a relationship with each other. A lot of people who date their best friends mostly tend to have a long healthy relationship because you generally know everything there is to know about each other.

  (tihi) I don't think i'd want to get into another relationship anytime soon until i'm completely sure this is the man God wants me to spend the rest of my life with. In the meantime I'd just want to be really good friends with guys and just get to know them.

Ki- Relationships, haha.. what??... that's the first thing that comes to my mind. Honestly, relationships are work. You have to commit, change your priorities, compromise, be considerate, trust, and well,  most of all love. What I don't like is when people rush into relationships knowing that it won't last. Personally, I'm " forever alone " until I can completely be myself with the person, and until I can love this person fully. Also, I'm not looking for my other "half".. After all, I was not born a half. LOL.. haha. 

To me, until I love myself completely, I can't love another person wholly. My advice to others, love yourself first, don't look for love in others.

I am so proud of these ladies for being honest :D Can ya'al relate?

So one more Real-ationships post coming up next week, then ideas for new topic? inbox, text, comment, follow, and like perrfect imperrfections on facebook... By lovelies, have an amzing -rest of weekend-...

I am in love with this song :P (my friend Natalie showed me, who btw is also a really cool blogger, here is the link to one of her blogs :) http://joywithsarcasm.blogspot.com/2014/03/i-dont-get-people.html

Real-ationships: Gurrl-friends

Happy Sunday ya'al! :)
So this won't be a very long post because again I have school work like crazy to do, also I have exciting news will share at the end of the post ;)
Okay, so I started this theme Real-ationships without really explaining what it's all about. So basically I was going to do the month of Feb as boy-girl issues/drama/blablabla then my friend sent me this inbox on FB

Shingaiii.... soo..im like in my room... no power but i was reading your blogs.. and ommg.. i raff them! Lol.. so..for your next blog.. or the few next to come..or whenever you can do it.. i really would like you to maybe talk about friends... I just want to know your opinion on them.. because lately I've been really struggling with friends. I feel like I cant trust anyone.. Lol And then I left my old school so like I miss my friends there soo much. And i literally fear losing touch with everyone Then there's also fights with friends.. for example me and one friend of mine are not on speaking terms.. and basically I think it all started with mis-communication.. and its shocking how that ruins a friendship... and even though he is just a friend.. anytime someone says something to disappoint you or is just plain right bitchy towards you -excuse my language..- honestly it hurts.. because friends also hurt you and leave scars.. and those scars sometimes lead up to insecurity. Somehow i think it kind of adds up to the insecurities thing.. because without people/friends.. would we really be insecure.. we wont have anyone to compare to.. we wont need to feel judge.. then again with friends.. there the good things.. of some of them being there for you and all.. people to make you laugh.. people to just complete your being.. (boyfriends and all) The world would be so weird if we had no friends/family/people in general
So I edited it for privacy purposes but basically what I want to do by showing you the inbox is make you realize that relationships isn't just about the opposite gender, sometimes we have issues with those closest to us in other areas. I will start -since I am a girl- :P by talking about girl drama, for the guys keep reading, these things could help you in future :P
Okay so sometime last week I was walking somewhere with my friend and on our way home we saw this gorgeous lady! ( as a girl am allowed to say that without having to say 'no homo' right? lol)  So as we see this lady, my friend and I have a really interesting conversation about how sometimes you see people and feel like " why the heck am I even alive?!" hehehe ironic after all my #fightinginsecurities right? Well at least am being honest, but -yes, there's a but- I've been reading this really interesting book and I got a few principles from it. 1. Stop Making Comparisons! When one guy was asked how he knows a girl is insecure, he said he noticed when girls do this this thing of sizing each other up. Why lie ladies, this sadly happens to be true a lot of the time. We have this mindset that we can't add value to another person without subtracting value from ourselves. When we work with that God-given dignity I keep talking about then we need to learn that, "We can totally think another person is beautiful without thinking we are ugly, we can acknowledge another lady as smart without feeling like an idiot, we can admire another's terrific shape without feeling like a slob, and we can say "wow, omg she is soo talented!" without feeling like we have no purpose on earth. So my advice, Let's stop! And I'm talking to myself too. The next line is very serious and read it slowly if you have to!
AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! lol
Girls how long will we post selfies with the cleav-age and yadayada to see how many likes we can get to prove to ourselves that we are prettier than 'she' is :) read this with love. To understand your self worth is to not link it to anyone else.
2. We need our Gurrl-friends! So there's been this whole thing about girls saying, "I prefer hanging out with guys because they have less drama." Okay hold up for a sec, I am not going to argue with you. Yes, guys appear to have less issues than we do but have you seen how different we are? Guys have the 'yo bro I hate you.' 'yo, bro I hate you too' moments and then be totally cool (again dudes tell me if I am misrepresenting you :P) but that isn't how, as ladies, we were designed to handle issues. Now look past the drama, think of the friends in your life. Think of the good things that you and your girlfriends have been through the things you have talked about that you can't really tell a guy. Like how you're confused about something in your life, planning for the future-  I bet we've all had those, me and my best friends are gonna live together when we grow up moments- and just stuff like that. Let me be 100% honest I love my guy friends but I need my Gurrl-friends!!! When I think about the future I can't picture them Not baby sitting my kids, and having phone calls about how irritated we are feeling at everything lol and stupid stuff like that. 
3. Know when to let go! Okay so this is hard especially for me, because I think I am kind of a people pleaser, but I am learning. Sometimes, sadly, there are people in our lives who are not beneficial in anyway. Examples of this are the insecure friends who degrade our self worth to feel better about themselves. Or the immature friend who, besides refusing to grow up wants you to stay as immature as them. Or the friend who always makes you do things you would never think of doing when your by yourself. #truthbetold the whole peer pressure lecture we have been given a countless times has some truth to it. Whether we like it or not, the type of friends we have influence who we are, so if who you are around a friend is a world apart from the person you want to become, then you know its time to let go :/ because again you are worth so much more than for you not to become who you want to become because of someone else.
Finally ya'al if we support one another, make this your own personal goal we could be the generation that actually loves each other instead of hating on each other. Idk maybe am being really feminist or whatever lol but that's just how I see it <3

So much for a short post :P If you have read until the end thank you so much and your the best! Comments? feedback, let me know what you think :) and you can follow the blog thanks! Now on to the exciting news, there may be a spoken word event thingy coming up soon under Perrfect Imperrfections... How cool is that?! Yea, so right now it's kinda sketchy but I will let you know the details soon. If you are a writer let me know :) Be blessed ya'al!      Oh P.s love this song...

Real-ationships: Behind Why I Wait

Hello! :) so this is me blogging even though I am super sleepy from having  such a busy week, you know with trying to finish school and all -btw not easy- :P.... Anyway first I would like to say thankyou for reading last week's blog. What I want basically for all my spoken words and blogs and stuff is that if you read them you find them relate-able, so having feed back from you is amazing in letting me know that I'm not a boring writer... Also I will share exciting news at the end of this post.... Okay so now onto last week's blog, if you read it, then you know I did the whole spoken word letter to my future husband thing, so after I wrote it I read it for my mum, and you will never guess what she asked next? okay you probably will... "Kwani you're lonely?" her sentiments exactly. lol in my head I was like 'seriously?' so I am going to kind of explain myself in this post and answer two things that probably went through your head when  you read the blog... The first one is
"You're only 17!!!!"
Okay here is my response to that, yes I know I am only 17 and in some people's views that may be way too young to think about marriage and I should enjoy life man but this is what I think. It is never too early to start praying for the rest of your life. If there is some guy out there who I am going to spend my WHOLE life with then knowing He is out there makes me just wanna pray. I know it's random but sometimes I even say a little prayer like, 'Lord if he got hurt playing a sport today then please heal him,' or 'please show him I am waiting for him' or 'if there is some girl trying to get her hands on him then keep her off! *lol just kidding, I've never said that prayer*  But do you realize the generation we are living in? The rate of divorce is like sky rocket high, like half of my friends don't live with both of their parents and soon vows will be exchanged from "till death do us part" to "till I feel like I don't love you any more?" I, for one, am not going to take that chance, so praying for my future guy seems like my best bet, because that way I can tell God, "yo, I ain't the one who chose him, you chose him for me so like you gotta help me deal with his imperfections" :)
Now onto number two
"So you're not gonna date until some prince charming comes along?"
Okay, you may have gotten confused here, OFCOURSE I am going to date, how else will I get married? Buuut, what I am praying for is that my first will be my last and I think my plan is friendship first mostly because I want to end up with my best friend, someone I can be super stupid around and they won't even care, secondly date a guy with who I can see myself getting married to. I really don't understand the yolo type of dating where it's just for now, or "let's see where it goes" this is is just my opinion but if you don't know where your going, what's  the point? Thirdly and most importantly Jesus must be the center! Because my life revolves around him, then it would be soo weird (and that's an understatement)  dating a guy whose life doesn't.
"So am I wrong to be dating?"
So I am not saying to all those lovely people who are in a relationship that it's wrong. I honestly don't think there is a right or wrong age to start dating, you have seen all those high school sweethearts who are now married with a bunch of kids and I find that super sweet. So what I am saying though, is knowing there is something worth the wait makes the waiting worth while. So whether it happens tomorrow, next year, or in five years I am totally happy waiting, and LiViNg my LIFE.  Because there is so much more to life, family, friends, Jesus (*I know it's cliche but* my first love), also my dreams and stuff. Soo it's not like I am lying in bed every night singing *sigh* "Lonely, I am soo lonely, I've got nobody, all on my own" (lol remember that song #oldiegoldies)  

Okey-dokey so if you have any more questions let me know... So about the exciting news, I have gotten so many people asking to me to share certain things on this blog... So I am creating a facebook page, sometime this weekend... A place where you can share your stuff with everyone else, poems, quotes, questions on any of the subjects discussed on the blog... It will just be Perrfect Imperrfections on facebook, so please like it, it will also help me have an official place to share when there is a new blog :) Now have an amazing night lovelies and dream of sugar and spice and everything nice :P Am Out! P.s this amazing song that has everything to do with this topic, go listen like now!... (Hide Your Love Away by Anthem Lights)

Real-ationships: WHY I WAIT

Hey ya'al! Happy VaLeNtInE!! Yea, I said it, HAPPY valentine. If your not smiling you better start now, or else don't read the rest of this post until you lift the corners of your mouth. :P Before anything else, I want to check up on the homework from the last post? If you have been writing something good about yourself down every single day, great job! You can let me know if it is helping. Now I really have no idea what your views are about today.  You may think it is a very pointless holiday, you may hate it because all your friends are coupled up and you're single,  you may not even know today is a holiday, If you are a guy you might be thinking, "Oh snap, I have to go out and buy things for my girl? Like seriously? Not now, am broke. Or you might be all excited about having someone to call your valentine this year. :) I think for me it is a day just like any other day, beautiful where I am, even though it is a bit cloudy and I want to enjoy every second of it. Don't hate but to be honest I am probably more excited that it is a Friday, than it is valentines lol. Any-who I have been working on a small piece that I want to share with you, it is like a letter and umm... I uhh... dont know what else to say, so just go ahead and read it and tell me what you think :)
WHY I WAIT
Dear guy am waiting for...
So waiting, patiently waiting...
The clock is ticking and I am sitting here waiting
I don't want to start complaining but you're late
According to every romantic comedy, not to mention fate
It's that time of the year where you are meant to be here
I won't let this be a year of tears or fears that I am not good enough for you
But then again it's so lonely just sitting here waiting for you
Okay, maybe you are going through the exact same thing
Waiting
But.. on the other hand while I'm here waiting you could be out there experimenting, dating, and creating a past that might affect our future.
Truth is, well according to every chick flick I have ever watched,
If you and I are meant to be, we are meant to be
It's just our destiny
So God seriously?
Why make us wait?
Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic who can't help feeling this way
I want my happily ever after like, yesterday
I feel like this wait is some kind of test to prove that I love You
I forget God knows what's best even more than I think I do
So when He created you, being the almighty amazing creator that He is, 
I am going to assume He had me in mind
Giving me a glimpse of what lies beyond the skies, 
He sprinkled a twinkle of joy in your eyes
To cheer me up every once in a while
He wrinkled lines around your over used smile
Strong willed enough to lead me
Yet soft-heart ed enough to hold me... when I cry
Did I mention you are fly? :P
But you are more than just looks, personality and character define you.
You are not afraid of letting God guide you
And every day you renew yourself, unto Him anew
My weaknesses, strengths and yours complement
And what I don't like about myself you find a way to compliment
You never forget to remind me, that God is at the center of you and me
Whoever we are meant to be
I love how our hands entwine
In a way only He could design
And your heart of gold, filled with the love you unfold
each and every day, in tiny human ways
I pray I don't take you for granted and
I know you are not perfect, 
Neither am I, far from it
We are both perfectly imperfect
Just the way God intended it
That's probably why I am waiting here, and you are... wherever you are
near, or far?
It isn't fate which decides, It is God who presides
Over time
He is still preparing you for me
I am a work in progress
It isn't randomly destiny
being made into what God knows you will find lovely, even... worthy
So I wait because I know if you are even half as good as God promised me you are, then you are worth it
Again perfectly imperfect
So I will suck it up, and watch as everyone else couples up
Because I decline to settle for anyone who
is not you
If this is war I refuse
This is one battle I am not going to lose
Because it is not my fight
The castle of my heart is locked up tight
And only you know that when the time is right
The only way you will find the key is by looking for it in Christ
                                                               From: Your  your lady in waiting



So what do you think? Was a bit mushy and stuff, but hey am a girl ;) anyway Starting a new series called Real-ationships, more info coming up next week! Have a lovely weekend and never let one day affect how you feel about yourself... Jesus loves you :* xxx

Perfect Imperfections: My Story with Insecurity

Hello you!! So since I wrote the boys and girls interviews I have been thinking. Remember how I said if you want to hear my own *quote* "therapy-needing-issues" then you should let me know? Well no one really asked to hear them but I decided it would be a bit hypocritical of me to say how it helps to share your insecurities and then after getting other people's I don't share my own. So I am going to interview myself with the same questions I asked everyone else. First of all the first blog I did, which was a spoken word describes how insecurities affect me completely but I hope you understand even though it's not in rhyming form.
Now on to my interview... (Q.1) What are my biggest insecurities?
 (A.1) Hmmm, okay this is only hard because there are so many. I have honestly struggled with insecurities since before I became a teenager. First a lot of the time I would criticize myself, like if I have a conversation during the day, later on in the shower or whenever I had alone time I would literally go through everything I said that day and give myself a forehead slap at every stupid thing i said and have one of those *what the heck is wrong with me* moments, wishing I could turn back time, but of-course that never happens. I think the next biggest insecurity for me was/is body image somehow since I was young God just blessed me with super pretty friends (yes that means if you are my friend you are pretty :P) so lets just say I have done a lot of comparing. Lastly in gifting and talents, okay first of all have you met the people in this world? It seems like everyone has something super amazing they can do, and after you ( okay I) finish watching them, I'm left there feeling like seriously? why am I even here? With people who can do that?!
(Q.2) Have my insecurities ever made me feel stupid?
 (A.2) Uhmmm, YeAa! Like all the freaking time! Like I said in the spoken word, insecurities coupled with pride, and quite a bit of self pity have had quite a way of taking over my life and trying to steal my confidence and dignity. Every time I criticized myself about something I had said that day, or some thing that my friend is better at than me *pride*, or something that *in my opinion* makes my friend look prettier than me *self pity*, I degraded myself and felt, I guess you can say, *stupid*
(Q.3) As a teenager, or young lady how do I deal with my insecurities?
 (A.3) I was waiting for this one. Okay, so sometime last year I got so fed up of those sessions in the bathroom of criticizing myself that I just told God, you know what? You promised me joy.. I am tired of all this 'am not good enough voices' I want, no I need Your joy. In a weird way I can say God answered that prayer from the next day and taught me how to let things go. I decided if I say something stupid, or nonsensical, Who cares? Truth is every one is probably so worried about their own issues that they wouldn't even remember how dumb I sounded. :) Now for pride and self pity, those have been hard to deal with. I honestly didn't even know what to call them until this year. Okay truth is, I am a work in progress. God is still showing me how to say 'NO' when thoughts of insecurity threaten to overtake me. To be able to say even when i do something stupid, "No, even though I feel embarrassed, I will not allow you to take my God given dignity." To be able to think whenever someone makes me feel less insignificant than I am, "You may look like you have it all figured out but I am not you, I am me and I will not give you the power to take my confidence from me." You can hurt my feelings but you can not have my security. It is mine to keep, and I am going to be selfish with it." He is also teaching me that in Christ I have strength and security. So whenever I feel weak, down, or about to burst into tears, it is like a secret super power, that strength that can only be given to those who love Christ. If you want proof of that promise, Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to his people; The Lord blesses his people with peace (or security in some versions)"
(Q.4; bonus question) Do I believe it is possible to fight insecurity and win?
 (A.4) I think life would seem so hopeless if the answer to that question was no. Here are some interesting truths I read somewhere recently,
We can be hurt without also being insecure
We can be disappointed without also being insecure
We can be shocked without also being insecure
We can be unsure without also being insecure
We can even be humbled without also being insecure
So my answer is, yes I believe we can fight insecurity and win. I am in the battle right now, but I'll be sure to let you know when I have won.   

Soo I know this was a pretty long post but I just had to express everything that was in my heart, and before I go my friend suggested this challenge which I want to give to you. This is February right? :) the month of love. So we are going to show ourselves some love. I am asking that every day for the next month, you find something that you love about yourself, write it down and post it somewhere where you can see it everyday. At the end of the month you can take a picture of it and post #fightinginsecurity and even if you don't, use it on the days when you don't feel good enough. You have super strength, You have natural dignity, You have given confidence! And don't you forget it... <3