Real-ationships: Behind Why I Wait

Hello! :) so this is me blogging even though I am super sleepy from having  such a busy week, you know with trying to finish school and all -btw not easy- :P.... Anyway first I would like to say thankyou for reading last week's blog. What I want basically for all my spoken words and blogs and stuff is that if you read them you find them relate-able, so having feed back from you is amazing in letting me know that I'm not a boring writer... Also I will share exciting news at the end of this post.... Okay so now onto last week's blog, if you read it, then you know I did the whole spoken word letter to my future husband thing, so after I wrote it I read it for my mum, and you will never guess what she asked next? okay you probably will... "Kwani you're lonely?" her sentiments exactly. lol in my head I was like 'seriously?' so I am going to kind of explain myself in this post and answer two things that probably went through your head when  you read the blog... The first one is
"You're only 17!!!!"
Okay here is my response to that, yes I know I am only 17 and in some people's views that may be way too young to think about marriage and I should enjoy life man but this is what I think. It is never too early to start praying for the rest of your life. If there is some guy out there who I am going to spend my WHOLE life with then knowing He is out there makes me just wanna pray. I know it's random but sometimes I even say a little prayer like, 'Lord if he got hurt playing a sport today then please heal him,' or 'please show him I am waiting for him' or 'if there is some girl trying to get her hands on him then keep her off! *lol just kidding, I've never said that prayer*  But do you realize the generation we are living in? The rate of divorce is like sky rocket high, like half of my friends don't live with both of their parents and soon vows will be exchanged from "till death do us part" to "till I feel like I don't love you any more?" I, for one, am not going to take that chance, so praying for my future guy seems like my best bet, because that way I can tell God, "yo, I ain't the one who chose him, you chose him for me so like you gotta help me deal with his imperfections" :)
Now onto number two
"So you're not gonna date until some prince charming comes along?"
Okay, you may have gotten confused here, OFCOURSE I am going to date, how else will I get married? Buuut, what I am praying for is that my first will be my last and I think my plan is friendship first mostly because I want to end up with my best friend, someone I can be super stupid around and they won't even care, secondly date a guy with who I can see myself getting married to. I really don't understand the yolo type of dating where it's just for now, or "let's see where it goes" this is is just my opinion but if you don't know where your going, what's  the point? Thirdly and most importantly Jesus must be the center! Because my life revolves around him, then it would be soo weird (and that's an understatement)  dating a guy whose life doesn't.
"So am I wrong to be dating?"
So I am not saying to all those lovely people who are in a relationship that it's wrong. I honestly don't think there is a right or wrong age to start dating, you have seen all those high school sweethearts who are now married with a bunch of kids and I find that super sweet. So what I am saying though, is knowing there is something worth the wait makes the waiting worth while. So whether it happens tomorrow, next year, or in five years I am totally happy waiting, and LiViNg my LIFE.  Because there is so much more to life, family, friends, Jesus (*I know it's cliche but* my first love), also my dreams and stuff. Soo it's not like I am lying in bed every night singing *sigh* "Lonely, I am soo lonely, I've got nobody, all on my own" (lol remember that song #oldiegoldies)  

Okey-dokey so if you have any more questions let me know... So about the exciting news, I have gotten so many people asking to me to share certain things on this blog... So I am creating a facebook page, sometime this weekend... A place where you can share your stuff with everyone else, poems, quotes, questions on any of the subjects discussed on the blog... It will just be Perrfect Imperrfections on facebook, so please like it, it will also help me have an official place to share when there is a new blog :) Now have an amazing night lovelies and dream of sugar and spice and everything nice :P Am Out! P.s this amazing song that has everything to do with this topic, go listen like now!... (Hide Your Love Away by Anthem Lights)

Real-ationships: WHY I WAIT

Hey ya'al! Happy VaLeNtInE!! Yea, I said it, HAPPY valentine. If your not smiling you better start now, or else don't read the rest of this post until you lift the corners of your mouth. :P Before anything else, I want to check up on the homework from the last post? If you have been writing something good about yourself down every single day, great job! You can let me know if it is helping. Now I really have no idea what your views are about today.  You may think it is a very pointless holiday, you may hate it because all your friends are coupled up and you're single,  you may not even know today is a holiday, If you are a guy you might be thinking, "Oh snap, I have to go out and buy things for my girl? Like seriously? Not now, am broke. Or you might be all excited about having someone to call your valentine this year. :) I think for me it is a day just like any other day, beautiful where I am, even though it is a bit cloudy and I want to enjoy every second of it. Don't hate but to be honest I am probably more excited that it is a Friday, than it is valentines lol. Any-who I have been working on a small piece that I want to share with you, it is like a letter and umm... I uhh... dont know what else to say, so just go ahead and read it and tell me what you think :)
WHY I WAIT
Dear guy am waiting for...
So waiting, patiently waiting...
The clock is ticking and I am sitting here waiting
I don't want to start complaining but you're late
According to every romantic comedy, not to mention fate
It's that time of the year where you are meant to be here
I won't let this be a year of tears or fears that I am not good enough for you
But then again it's so lonely just sitting here waiting for you
Okay, maybe you are going through the exact same thing
Waiting
But.. on the other hand while I'm here waiting you could be out there experimenting, dating, and creating a past that might affect our future.
Truth is, well according to every chick flick I have ever watched,
If you and I are meant to be, we are meant to be
It's just our destiny
So God seriously?
Why make us wait?
Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic who can't help feeling this way
I want my happily ever after like, yesterday
I feel like this wait is some kind of test to prove that I love You
I forget God knows what's best even more than I think I do
So when He created you, being the almighty amazing creator that He is, 
I am going to assume He had me in mind
Giving me a glimpse of what lies beyond the skies, 
He sprinkled a twinkle of joy in your eyes
To cheer me up every once in a while
He wrinkled lines around your over used smile
Strong willed enough to lead me
Yet soft-heart ed enough to hold me... when I cry
Did I mention you are fly? :P
But you are more than just looks, personality and character define you.
You are not afraid of letting God guide you
And every day you renew yourself, unto Him anew
My weaknesses, strengths and yours complement
And what I don't like about myself you find a way to compliment
You never forget to remind me, that God is at the center of you and me
Whoever we are meant to be
I love how our hands entwine
In a way only He could design
And your heart of gold, filled with the love you unfold
each and every day, in tiny human ways
I pray I don't take you for granted and
I know you are not perfect, 
Neither am I, far from it
We are both perfectly imperfect
Just the way God intended it
That's probably why I am waiting here, and you are... wherever you are
near, or far?
It isn't fate which decides, It is God who presides
Over time
He is still preparing you for me
I am a work in progress
It isn't randomly destiny
being made into what God knows you will find lovely, even... worthy
So I wait because I know if you are even half as good as God promised me you are, then you are worth it
Again perfectly imperfect
So I will suck it up, and watch as everyone else couples up
Because I decline to settle for anyone who
is not you
If this is war I refuse
This is one battle I am not going to lose
Because it is not my fight
The castle of my heart is locked up tight
And only you know that when the time is right
The only way you will find the key is by looking for it in Christ
                                                               From: Your  your lady in waiting



So what do you think? Was a bit mushy and stuff, but hey am a girl ;) anyway Starting a new series called Real-ationships, more info coming up next week! Have a lovely weekend and never let one day affect how you feel about yourself... Jesus loves you :* xxx

Perfect Imperfections: My Story with Insecurity

Hello you!! So since I wrote the boys and girls interviews I have been thinking. Remember how I said if you want to hear my own *quote* "therapy-needing-issues" then you should let me know? Well no one really asked to hear them but I decided it would be a bit hypocritical of me to say how it helps to share your insecurities and then after getting other people's I don't share my own. So I am going to interview myself with the same questions I asked everyone else. First of all the first blog I did, which was a spoken word describes how insecurities affect me completely but I hope you understand even though it's not in rhyming form.
Now on to my interview... (Q.1) What are my biggest insecurities?
 (A.1) Hmmm, okay this is only hard because there are so many. I have honestly struggled with insecurities since before I became a teenager. First a lot of the time I would criticize myself, like if I have a conversation during the day, later on in the shower or whenever I had alone time I would literally go through everything I said that day and give myself a forehead slap at every stupid thing i said and have one of those *what the heck is wrong with me* moments, wishing I could turn back time, but of-course that never happens. I think the next biggest insecurity for me was/is body image somehow since I was young God just blessed me with super pretty friends (yes that means if you are my friend you are pretty :P) so lets just say I have done a lot of comparing. Lastly in gifting and talents, okay first of all have you met the people in this world? It seems like everyone has something super amazing they can do, and after you ( okay I) finish watching them, I'm left there feeling like seriously? why am I even here? With people who can do that?!
(Q.2) Have my insecurities ever made me feel stupid?
 (A.2) Uhmmm, YeAa! Like all the freaking time! Like I said in the spoken word, insecurities coupled with pride, and quite a bit of self pity have had quite a way of taking over my life and trying to steal my confidence and dignity. Every time I criticized myself about something I had said that day, or some thing that my friend is better at than me *pride*, or something that *in my opinion* makes my friend look prettier than me *self pity*, I degraded myself and felt, I guess you can say, *stupid*
(Q.3) As a teenager, or young lady how do I deal with my insecurities?
 (A.3) I was waiting for this one. Okay, so sometime last year I got so fed up of those sessions in the bathroom of criticizing myself that I just told God, you know what? You promised me joy.. I am tired of all this 'am not good enough voices' I want, no I need Your joy. In a weird way I can say God answered that prayer from the next day and taught me how to let things go. I decided if I say something stupid, or nonsensical, Who cares? Truth is every one is probably so worried about their own issues that they wouldn't even remember how dumb I sounded. :) Now for pride and self pity, those have been hard to deal with. I honestly didn't even know what to call them until this year. Okay truth is, I am a work in progress. God is still showing me how to say 'NO' when thoughts of insecurity threaten to overtake me. To be able to say even when i do something stupid, "No, even though I feel embarrassed, I will not allow you to take my God given dignity." To be able to think whenever someone makes me feel less insignificant than I am, "You may look like you have it all figured out but I am not you, I am me and I will not give you the power to take my confidence from me." You can hurt my feelings but you can not have my security. It is mine to keep, and I am going to be selfish with it." He is also teaching me that in Christ I have strength and security. So whenever I feel weak, down, or about to burst into tears, it is like a secret super power, that strength that can only be given to those who love Christ. If you want proof of that promise, Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to his people; The Lord blesses his people with peace (or security in some versions)"
(Q.4; bonus question) Do I believe it is possible to fight insecurity and win?
 (A.4) I think life would seem so hopeless if the answer to that question was no. Here are some interesting truths I read somewhere recently,
We can be hurt without also being insecure
We can be disappointed without also being insecure
We can be shocked without also being insecure
We can be unsure without also being insecure
We can even be humbled without also being insecure
So my answer is, yes I believe we can fight insecurity and win. I am in the battle right now, but I'll be sure to let you know when I have won.   

Soo I know this was a pretty long post but I just had to express everything that was in my heart, and before I go my friend suggested this challenge which I want to give to you. This is February right? :) the month of love. So we are going to show ourselves some love. I am asking that every day for the next month, you find something that you love about yourself, write it down and post it somewhere where you can see it everyday. At the end of the month you can take a picture of it and post #fightinginsecurity and even if you don't, use it on the days when you don't feel good enough. You have super strength, You have natural dignity, You have given confidence! And don't you forget it... <3  

Perfect Imperfections interviews (B)

Hello you :)
Happy Thursday! (is that a thing? ...Oh well ) I know I was supposed to do part B last weekend Sunday but I got so busy with school and everything, sorry :(
Anyway, I just have to say again... everybody, and I mean EvErYbOdY has insecurities... You may be one of those people Who look at this and think nkt puh-lease #aintnobodygottimeforthat (i should really make that my catch phrase, I think it has been in every post :P) and when I interviewed the boys the first response most of them had was, 'am a guy, I don't have insecurities.' That's a mindset that the world has shown us. Who said if you are a guy you shouldn't show any sign of weaknesses?
So I had to dig really deep to get some of the few things that guys struggle with. If you relate to any please let me know or if others come to mind. I really would like feedback...
Enjoy... Guys response
(Q.1) What are your biggest insecurities? (Q.2) Is there a situation where your insecurities have made you feel stupid? (Q.3) As a teenager or young guy how do you deal With your insecurities?

Mark (age 18) 1. "I don't have any insecurities." *I had to press him before he finally admitted* "Okay I don't know if this is an insecurity but I guess am not committed enough. Like in a relationship, I feel kind of scared that I am not with the right girl, and not to sound like a jerk but what if another girl who i like better comes along and i don't want to be a jerk and break anyone's heart so yea. 2. I feel stupid when I start a relationship and later on feel like it's not working and wonder why I started it in the first place because I could have avoided all that drama and stuff of breaking up. 3. "I still don't think I have any insecurities, but I guess if I did I would act like they didn't exist.

Tanne (19) 1.I think for me it would have to be in a relationship when the chick (lady) happens to be more financially, or emotionally stable than I am. Like basically threatening my position as the guy in the relationship, and/or as the provider. 2. I think the insecurity itself is kind of stupid because now days with all the women empowerment and stuff I cant have the final say in everything, I need to remind myself that I cant have the final say in everything. 3. Be a man and cover it up.

Laney (18) *not relevant but he was sitting next to his girlfriend when answering these questions, so bravo for the honesty :p* 1. Not knowing enough, because I am scared if I don't become as smart as I should be then I wont use my fullest potential and ill just have wasted time. 2. I feel stupid when I don't know enough like in a conversation, and everyone seems to know what they are talking about but me. I feel un-smart? 3. I try to fix my own insecurities.

Kim (16) *but super mature for his age* 1. I think my insecurity is closely related to my fear that those closest to me will reject me. I love my dad but we as a family had a few issues and we left him so since it was my mum, me, and my sisters; I had to take the role of the 'man' in the family and I am kind of scared that I wont do a very good job at it, that I wont be the man that I am supposed to be in society. 2. When I allow myself to trust someone who later on betrays that trust. 3. By taking that role of a man and keeping it in, I feel like I have to show the world that I am in control so they don't see inside.

Damon *not vampire diaries :p* (18)1.Not being as excellent as I know I could have been, and I beat myself up over it. Am also scared of losing people closest to me, especially losing friends because of my faith. Like I am way 'too holy' for them? 2. When I see talented people who have achieved so much and feel like, seriously? what have I been doing with my life? 3. I think the only way I can deal with them, personally is releasing them to God because I feel like He is the only one who can deal with them. Oh and I have a randomly close relationship with my mum so sometimes if I am struggling with such issues I turn to her life experience.

Benny (18) 1. Rejection about who I am from the world outside my comfort zone. 2. I can't remember a time when it made me feel stupid. 3. I accept it as a part of who I am.

Sooo give it up for the boys! Thay are not that many for now but for some of the girls who are reading this and thinking some of their comments may be a bit petty, like they don't know what we go through with body image issues, all the pressure the media puts on us to look like a supermodel, and how all our emotions seem to go from A to Z sometimes faster than you can say the word 'insecurity' just think about this; from what I get from a lot of these responses, guys also get a lot of pressure to be the 'man' the world tells them they need to be. At least we are allowed to bowl and cry our hearts out with our best friend, or blame PMS, ;) but they feel like they have to be the strong one, in control of the situation, and never show the weakness that is hidden inside. Kind of like living in a 'if you cant see it, it doesn't exist' world. Don't get me wrong, this also happens to girls but I think that particular type of pressure may be a bit more for them. Guys if I am misrepresenting you, please comment and tell me, or if you have any other insecurities to add.
Now I am grateful to all the people who willingly participated in this questionnaire. Personally it is so much easier to go through something knowing I am not the only one, like insecurities :) now I didn't ant to be boring and talk so much about myself but if ya'al Want to hear my own insecurities and therapy-needing-issues let me know and I will post them hopefully this weekend, if not I guess the next post will be next weekend. I am working on something and I may have a special valentines spoken word post thingy majiggy but I guess just wait and see :D Again thanks soo much for reading, following, posting, sharing, commenting. YoU are 4ever awesome, and never forget it :)  

P.s my friend also did a really awesome spoken word about perfections and imperfections, its a-mazing, please go check it out http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fxpressionites.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F06%2F11%2Fperfection-by-sharon-neema%2F&h=sAQGzn8Rn Thank you!

Perfect Imperfections Interviews (A)

Hello ya'al!! First off thank you so much for all the support and views on my previous blog post. I am super psyched that I at this moment have 293 views! That is really cool and over the week I kept checking to see how many views I had gotten so far and it kept adding, so I was feeling kind of proud of my self untill my friend told me that every time I check the post it is added as a new view *whoops* lol. So because of my checking the blog like twenty something times I am going to assume I have about 268 views (293-25) which I still think is amazing so thank you. Also your supportive comments and sharing this blog and following me, love you for that. Besides that I was amazed by how many people actually related to my spoken word, I got in-boxes and texts about how it explained exactly how they felt. I honestly thank God with all my heart if He thought I was worthy enough to make a difference with just words. So I decided if we are, at times all going through the same thing, we really don't have to struggle alone because #ain'tnobodygottimeforthat :)
This weekend I had quite a few of my friends over for a sleepover, and during that time I interviewed a number of them on insecurities, as a mini survey to see if my insecurities are a copyright of yours or like a thousand times different.
I asked three different questions to both the guys and girls (due to requested confidentiality I will mention fake names but I promise these are real people) about insecurities, and though some were not able to answer all the questions here are the responses I got...  Girls response
(Q. 1) What are your biggest insecurities? (Q.2) Is there a situation where your insecurities have made you feel stupid? (Q.3) As a teenage girl, or young lady how do you deal with your insecurities?

Tara (age. 16)   1. Hiding who I really am because I am scared people may not like the true me. Like not giving my opinion or suggestion because I just feel like it is not good enough. 2 I feel stupid about being insecure. Like I am supposed to be this confident person but it doesn't happen. 3 I deal with my insecurities by letting trusting specific people with them, who I know won't let me down.

Wams (age. 17)  1. Constant irrational fear. Feeling so tired with everything in life, it has caused thoughts of wanting to end it all. 2 Feeling stupid about how helpless Fear causes me to feel. 3 how I deal with it is learning to give it to Jesus, knowing that I cant handle it on my own. Its hard, but I am learning.

Kinny (age. 17) 1. Body image! I am scared of being judged, even though I am mostly the one who underestimates myself. 2 I feel stupid when i freak out about doing something in public because I don't feel good enough then I actually do it and it turns out better than I expected. So why was I freaking out? 3 trying to figure that out.

Faith (age. 19) 1. Where do you want me to start? I guess sometimes I don't feel beautiful. 2 I feel stupid when I like a guy who doesn't like me back, like what is wrong with me? 3 I don't like talking about it, keep it in unless I really really really trust you. I also try to pray about it sometimes.

Nadia (age 21) 1. Boys! One day they are telling you they love you, the next day don't even talk to you *or find you too clingy*  2 I feel stupid when I allow a guy to hurt me and make me feel worthless. 3 To avoid getting hurt I try to be in control of the situation *or relationship* so it doesn't turn against me. I also write in my journal.

Tammy (age 16) 1. Being vulnerable! i hate it when i bear myself to someone and its like now they have something they can use against me. 2 I feel stupid when I try to figure out someone and think I can trust them only to find out later that they are not what they appeared to be. 3 I try to ignore my insecurities, like they don't exist...

Dawn (age 20) 1. There are quite a few, but not feeling as talented and/or smart as I should be. and also majorly to do with guys, I don't trust them easily. It probably started with growing up with my dad who would not keep his promises. I got so used to him saying he would do something which he didn't do that now when a guy tells me something I feel like i shouldn't allow myself to completely believe them. 2 When I allow myself to get too comfortable and let out more than I should about myself with people I don't really trust, especially guys and I feel so.... so exposed. 3 I don't let people in easily to protect myself and I remind myself to find my own identity in Christ, stay true to me.

Klaire (age 14) 1. Boys and body image. I feel like whether you like it or not the guys you pick are usually like your dad. Since my dad wasn't exactly there for me my whole life. I tend to pick the wrong guys, and I kind of feel incomplete, or insecure when I am not dating anyone.

Winnie (age 14) 1. Insecure about talking about my insecurities!

Okay so that has been way longer than expected and that was only the girls interviews, but I felt that I couldn't leave any out  because they are different situations but all somehow related. I loved how honest every one was being and expressing themselves. Its really late so even though I have the guys (males) interviews I think I will post them in (part B) hopefully tomorrow. I really hope you enjoyed reading and could relate to some of the things that were said, if you have anything to add please feel free to comment, if you want to continue reading about it feel free to follow me :) and if you know someone who this can help, feel free to share... Thank you!

S.N.K