HEART BREAK RULES...

HELLO HUMAN BEING

*and any aliens secretly living as humans in our world, yeah I know you exist mwahaha*

*clears throat* Anyway today is a beautiful day, do you know why today is a beautiful day? Because today the world did not end. 

How am I sure the world did not end? 'you may ask.' 

Well check the ground beneath you, are you standing on good old fashioned solid ground? Yes? Great stuff! I told you.

So I know I have to go through the whole thing of apologizing for being a horrible non-consistent blogger, and believe me when I say I am truly and utterly sorry from the deepest downest depths of my heart. :) 

I love you my faithful readers and ya'al make me as happy as if  Hunter Hayes asked me to marry him. Okay maybe not that happy but close hehe.

 HUNTER HAYES

 If you do not know him, he is a musician that is destined to be the love of my life, I will post one of his songs at the end of this post.

So now back to what we were saying. I would like explain my actions, so the last time I posted was the beginning of the year. Since then a lot has happened in my life, umm I started university whoop whoop! It has officially been about 10 weeks since I went to Daystar University Athi River and some people call it Afghanistan but really people? Don't hate because you are doomed to a worse fate (I could so become a rapper hihihi)

So someone suggested to me the other day that I should start an anonymous blog that way I can express anything I want without anyone knowing it's me and I thought that was a very cool idea but for now I am just going to be as blunt as I possibly can be.
My heart was broken.

Okay I am being melodramatic. My heart was not broken, it was like barely even bruised but it was scratched. So Recently I had this thing where I really liked a guy. He showed all the right signs, like we would talk for hours on the phone, he told me things that made me feel amazing about myself. He was hot, lol loves Jesus and I just felt like we really clicked.
Now let me explain something about myself, I don't like guys easily but when I do it's the most frustrating thing in the universe because i give a lot it is so time consuming and emotionally draining.
So with this guy I invested a lot of myself into him for the short period of time that we were talking because I thought this actually has potential. This could go somewhere.
Then silence.
He stopped texting, calling or seeming interested. I am not the type who will keep texting or bugging you if you don't seem interested because I will not look desperate but truth be told this made me shuku (doubt) myself. Like did I say something wrong? Did I act immaturely at some point? Does he just think I'm ugly now? Or found something better? What's going on here? 

  And it kinda hurt, one of those times where you take your journal out and write five pages about how guys are so stupid. :P Then I told myself, you know what this pity party is so stupid. I mean I was fine before I met him I'll be fine if he decides he never wants to talk to me again. So I took the weekend to kind off alone to just get over it and spend time with myself.
I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and she told me something similar happened to her. It helped so much. So I have two things to tell the guys out there.
1. DO NOT lead a girl on if you are not interested in pursuing her until the end. Girls are wired differently than guys and we are more emotional which is why you have to be careful with your words, your body language, and the general way you treat her.
2. DTR!!!!! Define The Relationship! I cannot stress this enough! I was talking to a friend of mine who is like a big brother the other day, and he was telling me how guys can be cowards in that they never really tell you what they want. It's like playing a game of hopscotch, jumping from box to box with one foot, never really settling down in one and deciding this is what it is. I am not being feminist, or biased, I am just stating facts.
Men were created to be the chasers, or leaders. It is literally your God-given responsibility to make the first move. So when you leave a girl hanging in mid air, it's like what the hell dude?? *mind my language*
Now I know girls sometimes we do the same thing. Recently another guy shared his feelings for me, and because I hate confrontation it was the hardest thing for me to tell him I don't feel the same way, especially because he is an amazing guy, but we had the DTR conversation and I told him. Now I am so glad I did because it's so much better than me saying I don't know or let me think about it and stuff while I let him buy me things, or treat me like he would a girlfriend when I know how I feel.
So before I go on and on let me just say this is just from personal observation and opinion, it is also free advice. Guys, girls are attracted to guys who are committed. Men who know what they want and are not just playing around. Take it or leave it, that's the truth as I see it.
Now for me the decision that this situationship led me to decide was that I have set a specific amount of time in which I have promised myself I am not going to date. I'm not even going to look for the one. After I made that decision I went to bed, slept and I woke up the next morning feeling so relieved, like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is probably because I don't have to look at every guy I meet or am friends with and think, 'could he be the one?' points in different direction 'wait could he be the one?' points in different location 'oh hold up, maybe he is the one?' Why lie? At this stage in our lives, that is something we girls do a whole lot. Look at the possibilities, have a list of pros and cons in our head, and envision our future with or without that person.
It does feel nice though, I feel like because I know in my head that I am not dating anyone for some time, and that means guys are not going to play around with my feelings because I know it's not going anywhere and it's like the power is now in my hands! Mwahahaha! :P
So I think I am going to do a series on actual HEART BREAK because mine was just a Heart scratch hehehe. So if you have any stories you want to share with me, please feel free. :)
Love you guys and cheerio for now.

P.s this is 'Wanted' the first song I ever heard by Hunter Hayes and became obsessed.